Bush Vs. Zombies (youtube.com <- new window)

Evidently, the funeral home was farming out its ad placements through Clear Channel who filled the billboard space with the brainless efficiency of one who hates his job but has nothing better to do. Honestly, I think the home could have really capitalized on the placement by opening a gun shop on the other side of the home.

From the article:

A spokesman for the Co-operative Funeralcare said its premises in Consett were leased.

He said: ‘It is disappointing that we were not consulted as this advert could cause unnecessary distress.

‘When the billboard site was erected, we were assured that no insensitive adverts would be featured.’

While I can definitely understand the sensitivity issues, it’s definitely pretty funny.

Now that IS product placement! Billboard for zombie show The Walking Dead posted on side of a FUNERAL PARLOUR

Well, in honor of Minecraft, a group of fans created this pretty kick ass video about a zombie apocalypse. I gotta say, besides the funny inside jokes about Minecraft, the video itself is really well made. It starts with a view of a post-apocalyptic looking city with the simple words, “13 Days After the Infection” and it gets better. Honestly, I would love to see this crew make a bona fide zombie film. Hell, even a buddy picture zombie film a la Zombieland except without the last half of the movie.

For those of you who haven’t played Minecraft, here’s a couple insights to the jokes but you might want to read them after you see it lest I ruin it for you.

First of all, everyone is dressed in what looks like block outfits. That’s because everything in Minecraft is rendered in cubes. Even your own character looks blocky. It’s the graphical style of the game and while it may cause some people to chew their own eyeballs, it becomes endearing after awhile. You may say this is the result of Stockholm syndrome and since the creator, Markus “Notch” Persson lives in Stockholm, I’d have to agree with you

The pork chops are used to restore health in the game. You have to kill pigs in the game, collect the meat, and then cook it. I always carry a ton of it when I go exploring because I usually end up pretty far away from my in game house when night falls. And when I find myself caught outside, I tend to mix it up a bit with the bad guys. By mix it up, I mean that I run away with my tail between legs, sounding like Curly from The Three Stooges.

There’s a bit in the video where the survivors are in the workshed, putting their resources on the table. That’s the crafting part of Minecraft with actual in game graphics. They ultimately make a blue pick and blue shotgun. The blue means they crafted them out of diamonds; one of the best (and rarest) resource in the game. Alas, you cannot make a shotgun.

And finally, the monster that explodes at the end of the clip is called a Creeper. He’s a pretty much a suicidal bomber. He actually doesn’t mind the sun so he’s a big pain the ass. He’s as silent as a ninja and well, likes to creep. Usually, the only thing you hear is his fuse going off which means he’s right behind you and that you are screwed. Big time. He tends to leave large craters in his wake if you are lucky enough to avoid him.

Well, I’m off to city hall to pick up my certified geek card. I hope you enjoyed the clip as much I did.

MINECRAFT – The Last Minecart (youtube.com <- new window)

Honestly, I can go a little overkill myself. I actually thought about buying one of those car window breakers in case I accidentally drive into a lake (I’ve already flipped my car going 50mph). And whenever I go into the woods, I carry the equivalent of a hardware store on my back for day trips. But this guy puts me to shame.

From the article:

Christopher Rodger, 25, was spotted by police at the Port Authority Bus Terminal on Tuesday night; he was wearing a trench coat on a warm evening, had an “empty” look in his eyes, and had a long camouflage bag slung over his shoulder. PA Officers Thomas Kemble and Leonard Trubia questioned him, and he immediately admitted he was carrying a gas-powered pellet gun. Searching in his bag, they found a treasure trove of weapons: five samurai swords, three daggers and other knives, burglar tools, night-vision goggles and hand-drawn blueprints.

Yes … when one samurai sword can’t do the job, it’s best to bring four others. The only question on my mind is “where is the shotgun”? I probably don’t want to know the answer.

“Zombie Enthusiast” Caught In Port Authority With Weapons Arsenal (gothamist.com <- new window)
Armed ‘zombie’ arrest (newyorkpost <- new window) (also original source)

The thing I did enjoy about reading this article was the picture. Looking at it from a distance, my first thought was that she is holding a break action double barreled shotgun. It was when I was resizing the photo did I notice she is actually pumping gas. Granted, I’m going on four hours sleep right now so I’m seeing shotguns everywhere, but I like my original interpretation. She just needs to drape a bloody axe over her shoulder to make the picture complete.

The reaction from people sounds pretty funny. From the article:

Police have pulled her over just to admire her zombie-mobile. Teenagers crowd around it in the parking lot and pull out their camera phones. Photos of Midling’s car even appeared on websites such as CollegeHumor.com.

Pretty cool indeed. This is one woman who will be ready when the zombies start their march. And yes, they are coming :)

Woman’s ‘zombie removal’ car turns heads (southbendtribune.com <- new window)

In any case, the article is well written and pretty funny. I really liked this part here:

“I’m fucking pumped,” said Stephen Hernandez, an unmotivated office worker whose entire family was eaten by zombies. “I had a stack of papers to deal with on Monday, but now it looks like I’ll be a little busy avenging my family’s death via Louisville Slugger.”

“Sure it might not be the most effective weapon, but you also have to factor in satisfaction and style points,” Hernandez added.

If you get a chance, check out his older stuff. The headlines alone will make you laugh. His site rivals that of Onion so beware. Once you start reading his articles, chances are, you may lose half your day. Good stuff.

REPORT: Americans Super Excited About Zombie Apocalypse (dailypygmy.com <- new window)

The whole gag is tongue and cheek with the children at one point receiving a letter from the zombie saying that he is coming to get them. The show host seems to be having a pretty good time, doing his best to amp up the tension. And yes, for the kids, this is the real deal. There are moments in the clip where children pass through moments of genuine terror backdropped by a laugh track. Very strange indeed although it was good to see that none of the kids broke down into tears.

I will say they did a good job. One kid just wouldn’t give up the fight and at one point, turns to the show host and accuses him of not doing anything to stop the zombie (which he was right).

It’s a fun guilty watch. I’m hoping next time the show host gives them an axe or maybe a baseball. While the kid’s traps were somewhat effective on the fake zombie, they’d be sushi in real life. Just goes to show you that we really need zombie readiness training in our schools. The earlier, the better :)

Japanese Child Repels Zombie Invasion [Video] (geekosystem.com <- new window)

The article goes on to mention things like heat and cold being a factor. Wild animals make an appearance and of course, people’s love of metal pointy things that go boom. I gotta say, I’m kind of in agreement with the final conclusion. If zombies can be killed with guns, I just can’t see them rising in any serious numbers to overthrow human civilization. While there may be a large swath of the population who will become zombie chow, there are plenty of us alive who would show no fear in the face of a rotting apocalypse, but would thrive in it. Give such a person a large cache of weapons, some good body armor, and a few months of rations, that person would be able to clear out city blocks without any problem. Form an army of such people and the zombies would be annihilated.

Personally, I think Return of the Living Dead got it right. In that movie, guns were useless against the dead with the only option being to nuke the entire town. I could really see the living dead spiraling out of control in such a scenario. With the only means of dispatching them being a sword, humanity wouldn’t stand a chance.

What do you think about this? Did Crack did get it right or am I missing something pretty important?

7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fail (Quickly) (cracked.com <- new window)

Well, it’s not all wailing and teeth gnashing. There are actually some good things that result from an end of days scenario. Like not paying for things.

What do I mean by such a statement? Paying will never go away. In the zombie apocalypse, there will be some sort of bartering system happening whether it be for bullets or fresh water. The true bliss happens when you actually trade items. Most likely, there will be no words spoken during the trade, and after the exchange, both parties will probably put a lot of space between each other in fear of the old backstab-shoot-em-in-the-face trick.

Compare this with our current system. When you got to buy mp3 player, you wait in a long deranged queue, flanked with products on both sides of you. When you reach the register, you are then asked, “Do you have a rewards card?”. To which, you say, “no”. After which you are asked “do you want a rewards card?” You answer “no” again. Followed by “do you want to buy insurance for this product?”. You answer “no” a third time. If you have a true a-hole, like I had one time, you’ll be asked, “why don’t you want to buy the insurance?”. I always answer, “I’m self insuring”. Followed by, “would you like to donate a dollar to the Bigus Dickus school lunch program?”. To which, I reply a steady “no” while I’m thinking:

TAKE MY GOD DAMN MONEY! JUST TAKE! I’LL GIVE YOU DOUBLE THE ASKING PRICE. I’LL GIVE YOU MY CAR. MY HOUSE. MY SIGNED LIMITED EDITION STAR TREK COLLECTOR PLATES. JUST TAKE THE GOD DAMNED MONEY.

Yes … paying for things in a civilized world is a good old fashioned pain in the ass. I miss the days when I could give someone money, and they’d give me a product. Well, not long to wait now. After all, I have heard that the oil dispersant dumped in the Gulf of Mexico is having a peculiar effect ;)

Posted tonight at io9, this is a true story that happened recently involving a carload of zombies on their way to a party. Evidently, the dead don’t drive too well because the car somehow lost control and rolled. Thankfully, none of the people were injured.

And yes .. this is where hilarity ensues. From the article:

Sgt. Greg Stewart said people who witnessed the crash initially thought the victims’ injuries were much more serious, because of the zombie costumes.

“We’re glad that everyone is alive, despite being ‘undead’,” Sgt. Stewart said, referring to the costumes.

Can you imagine the face of the first rescuer to arrive at the scene and find zombies milling around the site of the accident. If I was a cop at the time, I would have pulled my gun and started to fire. You can never be too safe. In any case, I’m glad no one was hurt although I bet some of the rescue personal hit the bar hard that night.

Car full of zombies crashes in Portland, baffles police and onlookers (io9.com <- new window)

That said, I’m not a big fan of zombie comedies. It feels like an easy laugh for me like putting a guy in a dress so when a new zombie comedy surfaces, it’s gotta do a lot to sell me on it. Alas, this project does not.

Titled Paul is Undead, this book follows the Beatles as if the band started a zombie apocalypse. I really can’t explain it any further but here’s a little blurb from the article:

“Paul is Undead” is written as an oral history, similar in style to “World War Z” or “Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter”. It tells the story of how the zombified Beatles took over the world, literally, while battling Eighth Level Ninja Lord Yoko Ono and England’s greatest zombie hunter Mick Jagger.

This sounds like it could be a fun beach read, but I’m not holding my breath. Or putting on the suntan lotion. I’ll link up the reviews when some comes out. In the interim, pick yourself up a copy of David Wellington’s Monster Island.

Zombie book about the Beatles optioned for movie (examiner.com <- new window)

No. I’m not making this up. Don’t take it from me. Take it from the blogger:

This zany Japanese delicacy, which claims to be aged in the haunted graveyards of Japan, is probably just jerky with blue food coloring in it. But really, can we be sure? For all we know, digested brains could end up being blue and jerky-like. And if you’re sure that’s not the case, you should probably stop eating so many brains.

This just sounds like the greatest invention ever. How amazing would it be to find yourself being eaten by zombies while you were eating some zombie jerky? In any case, check out the article for a good laugh. And remember, if someone is selling this stuff homemade, you might want to pass on it.

Role Reversal: Humans Can Now Eat Zombies, Thanks to Japanese Jerky (geekosystem.com <- new window)

That said, this first episode deals with our undead friends, and co-creator Bryan White introduces the clip like it were an episode on how to build your own shed. I liked the zombies in this clip. The seemed to be very eager to take down a young man, sipping his drink in the sun. Seeing as John describes the world overrun by the dead, I’m think this man was been a little passive aggressive with his own suicide.

It’s a fun watch with high production values and for those of you who need to rush out of the house in five minutes, you’ll be relived to know that this clip is two minutes long. Check it out.

How to Survive the Strange: Zombie Attack (funnyordie.com <- new window)
How to Survive the Strange (howtosurvivethestrange.wordpress.com <- new window)

The game itself sounds great. Sure, it may be fake, but it’s all about the hardcore players.

And, you stay a zombie. You’re now preying on your squad mates, eating their flesh to upgrade your own strength. As a zombie you can “smell” their internal organs so you can pick out the choicest meat needed to upgrade your zombie skills.

The whole time your former mates are begging and screaming your name, saying “FRANK! It’s me! Don’t you recognize me! FRAAAAANK UGGGGHHhhh …”

Your game is stored on a locked file on the hard drive. Reset the game, you’re still a zombie. You can’t change it. Not until you finish the game. Hey, that’s life.

Sound pretty good, eh? All I can say is bring it on ;)

The 12 Awesomest Games of 2010 (cracked.com <- new window)

When I first moved to Los Angeles in the late nineties, I was unfortunate enough to get stuck in Oscars traffic. My car was surrounded by limos which was plenty distracting, but it was the swarm of helicopters circling overhead that genuinely unnerved me. I felt like I were the target of police chase. During my final months in LA, the scene repeated itself with Grammy traffic instead so in a way, I’ve attended both ceremonies in some weird way ;)

In any case, I bumped into this trailer the other day over at Cracked. I simply adore it. It nails everything with my only nitpick being the Avatar reference. That said, check it out for a good laugh.

A Trailer for Every Academy Award Winning Movie Ever (cracked.com <- new window)