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Weapon Madness – Round Two – Melee Weapon Contest: Hammer vs Pitchfork

Brian — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 03:04:50 +0000

Last night’s matchup went down in a blaze of glory. Well, not much blaze and very little glory. To put it bluntly … it just went down. People overwhelmingly went with the AK-47. The siren call of the automatic machinegun was too sweet to most people’s ears. And while I think a machine gun would a pretty good weapon in the zombie wasteland, I will stand alongside Richard and take the flare gun.

Yes, the AK has better stopping power. Yes, the AK will be able to keep the horde at bay, but the AK can only be fired in quick bursts lest you attract every zombie in a ten block radius. But that’s not the only problem I see with the weapon. With the flare gun … you know you are screwed and you probably won’t take crazy chances as you would with the AK. In short, the AK might provide a false sense of security.

But honestly … the real reason I’d take the flare gun is to actually use it the way it was intended. To call for help. It’s wise to travel in a pack and there’s no better way to get people’s attention than putting on a fireworks display in a dead night. Why search for help when help can come to you?

Well, that’s old hat now. On to bigger and better things. A hammer versus a pitchfork. Which one would you take in a zombie apocalypse?

Hammer

Pros: can use as a makeshift crowbar, could break bone, light on the arms
Cons: hammering nails could raise attention, damage pending on arm strength, useless against multiple zombies

Pitchfork

Pros: can pin a zombie to a wall, could be used push back multiple zombies, long swing radius
Cons: could get stuck in a zombie, could be cumbersome going through doors, breakable handle

Just a reminder about the judging. These are Romero type zombies. They are slow and sluggish. Headshots or decapitations will kill them. Bites will lead to probable infection, then death. You should judge a weapon based on its effectiveness against one zombie to an entire horde. A weapon does not need to be lethal to be effective. If it buys you some time to escape, then it should be looked on with favor.

So which do you think will make for a better zombie killing weapon?

Updated Weapons Bracket

Weapon Madness – Round Two – Ranged Weapon Contest: AK-47 versus Flare Gun

Brian — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 03:30:09 +0000

Here’s a matchup that on the surface looks to be an easy winner, but before you go ahead and cast your vote, take a moment to think about this one because when you do … I think you’ll see that it’s not so clear cut as it appears. The key thing to remember that in a post apocalyptic situation, a machine gun can be a magnet to your location. If you aren’t shooting and moving, you’re basically ringing the dinner bell for all the undead near you. While the flare gun doesn’t have great kill potential, it does have great distraction potential. When the power is out and the dead is wandering the dark streets like lost sheep, a nice bonfire can open a closed road and if the neighborhood gang just happens to be the target of that said bonfire, then all the better.

In any case, as for last nights matchup … the hatchet went down swinging. The machete still reins king. I gotta say, I do like the utility value of the hatchet, but as Garrett mentioned on the Facebook page, a lot of swinging is gonna result in some rubbery arms. Personally, I wouldn’t want to get close enough to a zombie to get into the wet work, but then again, I’d be lucky to survive the first few days. Sure, I can write about the upcoming zombie apocalypse but those skills don’t translate well into survival skills.

Here’s the breakdown for tonight’s matchup:

AK-47

Pros: great range, rugged gun, able to tackle individuals or hordes
Cons: requires ammo, makes noises, other survivors may try to fight you for it

Flare Gun

Pros: could burn the zombie’s eyes out, can create distraction, silent but deadly
Cons: one shot wonder, specialized ammo, could create an angry flaming zombie

So which do you think will make for a better zombie killing weapon?

Updated Weapons Bracket

Weapon Madness – Round Two – Melee Weapon Contest: Machete versus Hatchet.

Brian — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 00:55:34 +0000

It’s hard to believe that this contest has been in motion for the past six months. It hasn’t been for lack of people making up their minds about what to use in a zombie attack, but rather, the erratic posting schedule of this past year. I will detail more information about the overall changes to the site and future features (you might have noticed some of them already). But for now, let us focus cold steel cutting through rotting flesh.

For the last matchup – break action shotgun versus bowling ball … well, let’s just say the last place you’d look for a weapon is the bowling alley. The shotgun won with a landslide. As expected. Now, onto the matchup:

Machete

Pros: good hacking, good slashing, makes you feel cool
Cons: could get stuck in bone, needs to be maintained, need to be relatively close

Hatchet

Pros: good cutting potential, great utility weapon, could possibly throw it
Cons: close range weapon, edge could dull, blade could get stuck in head

So which do you think will make for a better zombie killing weapon?

Updated Weapons Bracket

Weapon Madness – Round Two – Ranged Weapon Contest: Bowling Ball vs Break Action Shotgun

Brian — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 00:43:29 +0000

Believe it or not, the last episode of Weapon’s Madness occurred sometime in March before the actual March Madness tournament. Our last matchup pitted a lead pipe versus a hoe which drew a lot of discussion from everyone. While people loved the long distance skull cleaving potential of the hoe, the lead pipe won the contest hands down. I’m guessing a lot of people like to get involved with the wet work when killing zombies. Personally, I’m built like a T-Rex in all the bad ways – big legs, little arms, beady eyes ;) – so the lead pipe would tire me out pretty quickly. With the hoe, I could keep the dead at a distance. At least, for a little while.

Well, Weapons Madness is back in play and it resumes with a rather interesting matchup. Here we have a bowling ball versus a break action shotgun. Which do you think will turn out on top and why?

Bowling Ball

Pros: good head crush potential, could make a loud noise, possible movement distraction
Cons: heavy, did I mention it’s heavy? would easily tire out your arm

Break Action Shotgun

Pros: double the barrels – double the pleasure, great head exploding potential, good club potential
Cons: extremely loud, slow reloading time, not good against a mass of zombies

So which do you think will make for a better zombie killing weapon?

Updated Weapons Bracket

Weapon Madness – Round Two – Melee Weapon Contest: Hoe vs Lead Pipe

Brian — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 01:20:25 +0000

It’s been a long time since the last episode of Weapon’s Madness, but have no fear zombie killers, I have not forgotten this event. Truth be told, my schedule is overloaded right now so it’s been extremely challenging to keep the site going. So if you’ve been wondering why the daily post count has been dropping lately, it’s not for lack of enthusiasm. That said, it’s not going anywhere. I’m in the process of moving from a corporate mule to a hired gun and if everything works well (fingers crossed), I’ll be able to return back to my old posting ways. Just let me say for the record that March Madness is my least favorite time of year.

In any case, when we last met to discuss general zombie killing, two wonderful weapons butted heads and at the end of the day, the grenade launcher walked away the champ. It was a good matchup with a lot of great discussion surrounding it.

Now to the next one, and a melee one at that. A hoe versus a lead pipe. Here’s the breakdown:

Hoe

Pros: sharp edge, long range, can be used for tripping
Cons: can get caught in doors, wooden handle could snap, vibrations

Lead Pipe

Pros: good crushing potential, can’t break, can be used as a makeshift crowbar
Cons: vibrations, could exhaust the arm, need to be somewhat close

So which do you think will make for a better zombie killing weapon?

Updated Weapons Bracket

Weapon Madness – Round Two – Ranged Weapon Contest: Grenade Launcher vs. Minigun

Brian — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 02:19:58 +0000

The last matchup was quite good, coming down to the wire but at the end of the day, a slim majority of people decided to go with the crowbar than use an axe to take out the zombies. Personally, I would have stuck with the crowbar although I do love the fire axe. I just know that after a few close encounters, my arms would likely be exhausted. Granted, I don’t like the idea of being close and personal with a zombie either.

The next matchup returns us to the ranged weapons, pitting two powerhouses against one another. In one corner, we have a grenade launcher. In the other, we have a minigun. Here’s the breakdown:

Grenade Launcher

Pros: Can take out a lot of zombies, easy to operate, adequate melee weapon
Cons: Useless up close, rare ammo, wasted power against single targets

Minigun

Pros: massive fire rate, effective against hordes, excellent range
Cons: very loud, fixed position, reloading must be a bitch

So which do you think will make for a better zombie killing weapon?

Updated Weapons Bracket

Weapon Madness – Round Two – Melee Weapon Contest: Crowbar vs Fireaxe

Brian — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 19:53:32 +0000

Ahh … here’s a matchup that makes the insides of me glow with affection. These are two of my favorite melee weapons. I’m looking to forward to reading the discussion on this one.

But let us backtrack for just a moment to see how the last matchup turned out. Believe it or not, but people actually preferred a gun to a set of throwing knives against the undead. Actually surprised me was that the throwing knives made it to the second round. That said, there wasn’t much to discuss. A tired throwing arm versus a sore trigger finger … which would you choose?

Now for the next matchup … crowbar versus fire axe, or better put, Gordon Freman versus Smokey the Bear.

Crowbar

Pros: Sharp and blunt edges, curved loop can act as tripping hook, relatively lightweight
Cons: Metal could produce painful vibrations, not a one hit kill weapon, would take a lot to kill a zombie

Fire Axe

Pros: can crush through skulls with ease, good repulse weapon, good decapitation potential
Cons: can tire the arms, blade can be dulled, handle could break

So which do you think will make for a better zombie killing weapon?

Updated Weapons Bracket

Weapon Madness – Round Two – Ranged Weapon Contest: 9mm Pistol vs Throwing Knives

Brian — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 20:03:43 +0000

The last matchup was a very close one, going all the way down to the wire. With all the votes counted, the shovel moves to the next round. The katana is retired for another day.

Not surprising, it was the dual use of the shovel that ultimately won the day.

My choice would have been the shovel. As much as I like the idea of swinging a razor sharp sword at my undead enemies, I would inevitable cut my own head off. Hell, I can terrorize myself with a carrot peeler, nevermind such a finely honed weapon. My wife has been trained to use a katana, so her choice was an easy one. She did mention that by holding the mere act of holding one made her feel like a warrior, so even had she not been trained, she still would have selected it.

Now for the next matchup … we’re going to see what happens when a 9mm pistol goes head to head against a lovely set of throwing knives.

9mm. Pistol

Pros: Can kill from a distance, somewhat rapid fire, quick reload
Cons: Not much stopping power, makes noise, ammo might be hard to find in a post-apocalyptic setting

Throwing Knives

Pros: Blind zombies in eyes, blades can nail zombie clothes to wall, flying blade might visually distract some zombies
Cons: Lost weapon per use, can tire the arm, requires practice

So which do you think will make for a better zombie killing weapon?

Updated Weapons Bracket

Weapon Madness – Round Two – Melee Weapon Contest: Shovel vs Katana

Brian — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 03:16:52 +0000

At long last we have finally made it to the second round. There have been plenty of interesting matchups as well as some matchups that have been lacking. These matchups resulted from the randomness of the bracket and the uniqueness of the weapons. This made for some interesting discussions as well as lots of “what you talking about Willis?” moments, but on the whole, I thought it went great.

Before we start down the road of the next matchup, you should know that the RPG beat the blowgun. Surprise, surprise.

Now tonight’s matchup … a regular old shovel versus a katana.

Shovel

Pros: Can strike from a distance, the blade can decapitate zombies on the ground, can hit a series of zombies in a wide arc
Cons: Can be somewhat unwieldy, vibrations through handle, handle can break

Katana

Pros: Very sharp, can strike from a distance, light to hold
Cons: Very sharp (liable to cut yourself), needs to be maintained, need training to be effective

So which do you think will make for a better zombie killing weapon?

Updated Weapons Bracket

Weapon Madness – Round One – Ranged Weapon Contest: RPG vs Blowgun

Brian — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 03:31:33 +0000

We’ve come to it at last. The final matchup of the first round. I must say, it has been an interesting ride and thankfully, most of the easy matchups are now behind us. With the conclusion of the first round, we start getting into the meat of things. And while some of the initial matchups brought a healthy dose of eye rolling, I do appreciate the good college effort people brought to seemingly ridiculous contests.

The last one pitted a tire iron against a hockey stick, and needless to say, the hockey stick was sent to the penalty box while the tire iron proceeded to the next round.

And now, our final matchup. An RPG versus a blowgun.

RPG

Pros: Great against a horde, able to take out other survivors, great for distractions
Cons: useless up close, specialized ammo, liable to blow yourself up

Blowgun

Pros: silent but deadly, variable ammo, good distance
Cons: terrible against a horde, difficult for kill shots, liable to feel silly

So which do you think will make for a better zombie killing weapon?

Updated Weapons Bracket

Weapon Madness – Round One – Melee Weapon Contest: Tire Iron vs. Hockey Stick

Brian — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 02:54:51 +0000

Not surprising in the least, the majority of the group decided to go with the crossbow over the taser gun. Still, there were some interesting ideas raised over the use of the taser gun with these zombies being of the Romero variety. Here’s Kyle’s take on the issue:

Having said that, muscles still work based on electrical impulses, a taser would be an effect way to disable a zombie quickly and quietly. I don’t know about reload times, if it’s faster than a crossbow it would be quite an effective short to medium range weapon. Recharging it (even with a hand cranked generator) would be easier than finding crossbow arrows. Looking at Stun Guns, if those little wires broke, you could probably easily mod the gun, and turn it into a cattle prod. Stun Gun Versus Crossbow, crossbow does win, but if you modded it into a cattle prod, it would make a very effective short range weapon.

Interesting indeed.

This next matchup pits a good old fashioned tire iron versus a hockey stick.

Tire Iron

Pros: Good skull crushing potential, durable, able to use as a makeshift crowbar
Cons: need to be close, vibrations, could slip out of your head (sweaty plams)

Hockey Stick

Pros: great for knocking a zombie back, good melee distance, can use to push multiple zombies at once.
Cons: easy to shatter, hard to kill, not good against a horde

So which do you think will make for a better zombie killing weapon?

Weapon Madness – Round One – Ranged Weapon Contest: Taser Gun vs Crossbow

Brian — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 02:42:03 +0000

Powerful as the fire hydrant might be against an exposed piece of forehead, most people went for the shotgun butt and in doing so, failed to make any butt jokes in process as noted by Josh. We must strive to do better ;)

The next matchup puts a taser gun against a crossbow. Honestly, I don’t know much about either weapon. I’ve fired a crossbow when I visited a Renaissance fair as a little boy but that’s a distant memory. And I don’t know anything about a taser gun outside of bad movies featuring growling cops, so feel free to add your own pluses and minuses.

Taser Gun

Pros: Could possibly kill the brain, could make a zombie dance, silent
Cons: need to be close, need to have battery?, Don’t tase me, bro

Crossbow

Pros: great headshot killing potential, good distance, silent
Cons: slow reload, could tire arms reloading, useless against horde

So which do you think will make for a better zombie killing weapon?

Weapon Madness – Round One – Ranged Weapon Contest: .22 Pistol vs Scoped Hunting Rifle

Brian — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 01:52:13 +0000

I didn’t expect the last matchup to be as interesting as it turned out to be. After the dust settled, it turned out to be one of the more even matchups in the bracket. Some people had the idea of attaching the screwdriver to a pole, creating a makeshift spears while others where seduced by the clang of the skillet. At the end of the skillet walked away with the prize.

The Zed Word, an excellent zombie news and review site, had this to say on the matter:

Totally a skillet. What are you going to do when you stab a zombie with a screw driver and can’t get the damn thing out? You’ll get swarmed by the horde.

With a skillet, you can hit and run. Speed and mobility, man, that’s what you need.

Amen to that, brother.

The next matchup should be another interesting one. A .22 pistol versus a scoped hunting rifle. The matchup itself is pretty vague so feel free to fill in the details yourself. For instance, in this matchup either a revolver pistol or semi automatic pistol would work for a comparison.

.22 Pistol

Pros: easy to find ammo, light to carry, rapid fire
Cons: not a lot of stopping power, difficult against a horde, sound will attract hungry zombies

Scoped Hunting Rifle

Pros: accuracy from a distant, one shot – one kill, difficult to pinpoint rifle report
Cons: slow reload, specialized ammo, difficult at close range

So which do you think will make for a better zombie killing weapon?

Weapon Madness – Round One – Melee Weapon Contest: Screwdriver vs Cast Iron Skillet

Brian — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 04:43:48 +0000

I think the most interesting thing about the last matchup wasn’t whether the Uzi could be accurate or whether it could jam in a tense zombie situation, but the fact that Jason owns three, er excuse me, four 357 magnums. That’s like one hand cannon for each pillow of the bed. Wow. That is quite impressive. Personally, I think Jason should give out his address so that when the zombies do come, we can all hide under his bed.

The next matchup is really a question of not what you would pick, but mostly likely, what you would die holding. Both of them are not that great which should lead to an interesting discussion. Here it is … a screwdriver versus a cast iron skillet.

Screwdriver

Pros: good stabbing through eyesockets, use to pry open doors, get to enjoy the “wet work” of killing zombies
Cons: need to be real close, tough to make a kill, useless with lots of zombies

Cast Iron Skillet

Pros: can take a beating, can use to cook, can be used as a makeshift, albeit dorky, helmet
Cons: take a lot kill something, noise potential, silly factor

So which do you think will make for a better zombie killing weapon?

Weapon Madness – Round One – Ranged Weapon Contest: 357 Magnum vs Uzi

Brian — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 02:26:23 +0000

The last matchup was pretty wild with an almost even amount of people choosing both sides of the fence. While people recognized the fragility of the electric guitar, the silent factor was the ace in the hole. The chainsaw, no matter how a good a body cutter, it was viewed as too much of zombie notifier.

Personally I would have selected the electric guitar not for the silent factor but because I would most likely cut my own head off. I can see myself swinging the weapon, hitting a wall, and having it come back right at me.

This next matchup puts a 357 magnum against an uzi. I’ve never used either weapon, so feel to elaborate on the breakdown. Here’s what I came up with:

357 Magnum

Pros: ba-boom power, could knock down a zed, makes you feel like Dirty Harry
Cons: kickback, slow reload, loud

Uzi

Pros: rapid fire, kill a lot zeds, rapid reload
Cons: burn through ammo, loading clips can be slow, loud

So which do you think will make for a better zombie killing weapon?