Whenever the idea of a zombie apocalypse is mentioned, we have images of upside down cars, billowing black smoke into a bloody red sky. We behold derelict cities, empty of bodies moving in meaningful directions. We see our world topped on its head, and in seeing that grim depiction, there’s an unspoken sadness of what has been, will never be.

Well, it’s not all wailing and teeth gnashing. There are actually some good things that result from an end of days scenario. Like not paying for things.

What do I mean by such a statement? Paying will never go away. In the zombie apocalypse, there will be some sort of bartering system happening whether it be for bullets or fresh water. The true bliss happens when you actually trade items. Most likely, there will be no words spoken during the trade, and after the exchange, both parties will probably put a lot of space between each other in fear of the old backstab-shoot-em-in-the-face trick.

Compare this with our current system. When you got to buy mp3 player, you wait in a long deranged queue, flanked with products on both sides of you. When you reach the register, you are then asked, “Do you have a rewards card?”. To which, you say, “no”. After which you are asked “do you want a rewards card?” You answer “no” again. Followed by “do you want to buy insurance for this product?”. You answer “no” a third time. If you have a true a-hole, like I had one time, you’ll be asked, “why don’t you want to buy the insurance?”. I always answer, “I’m self insuring”. Followed by, “would you like to donate a dollar to the Bigus Dickus school lunch program?”. To which, I reply a steady “no” while I’m thinking:

TAKE MY GOD DAMN MONEY! JUST TAKE! I’LL GIVE YOU DOUBLE THE ASKING PRICE. I’LL GIVE YOU MY CAR. MY HOUSE. MY SIGNED LIMITED EDITION STAR TREK COLLECTOR PLATES. JUST TAKE THE GOD DAMNED MONEY.

Yes … paying for things in a civilized world is a good old fashioned pain in the ass. I miss the days when I could give someone money, and they’d give me a product. Well, not long to wait now. After all, I have heard that the oil dispersant dumped in the Gulf of Mexico is having a peculiar effect ;)